And then, all of a sudden, I am free.

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Some might call my decision reckless, but I don’t care. I don’t care anymore what people think. I’m tired of playing by the rules. I’m going to write my own rules from now on. I don’t care about what’s going to happen tomorrow, I learnt (or I am learning) to live in the present, without worrying too much about the future.  And I am in the lucky position to do so.

Yes, I did it. I finally left an awful job where I had been suffering for the last 6 months or so. The plan was to stick to it until next June or Christmas at least, but I couldn’t stay there one more day.

I had given my life to this business and I had been rewarded and recognised most of the times, up to when they realised I was too good for them. Yes, it might sound arrogant, but that’s exactly it. I was far too good in comparison to their average employee and too many people were getting frustrated and upset of my biannual punctual promotions and salary increase. At some point, they had to stop that and, despite I had met and overachieved all their  new targets, they refused to promote me again last April . Obviously that was a huge shock  for me, most of all because they couldn’t give me any real reasons except that it was “too early”.  But, in hindsight,  I know that for a business is better to lose one outstanding person, than many average. And this was it. After the last few unfair power games and subterfuges I decided to leave. Like that. Without a job to go to. So, here I am.

I am free.

I’m free to be free. Free to waste time. Free to make random decisions, free to get bored. Free to sleep until late or to go bed late. But I’m also free to interrupt what I am doing to start something else. I am free to do nothing. But most of all I’m free to do everything I want to do.

When I want to. How I want to. Where I want to. Why I want to.

No more alarms at dawns,
No more suits in the morning,
No more lunch boxes,
No more useless and endless meetings,
No more routine,
No more schedule,
No more deadlines,
No more pressure,
No more anxiety,
No more politics,
No more fake smiles,
No more living in a box,
No more long hours,
No more power games
No more pretending to be someone else.

And all of a sudden I realise that the scariest thing in life is exactly what everybody (pretends to) crave for: Freedom.
That’s why we cling to our job security, stick to failed relationships, hold to places that make us feel safe. Because being free is F*****K scary, man. You don’t have any safety net below you, if you fall, you are going to crash on the floor and there won’t be anything to hold you back.
It’s like being blindfolded in a car that is racing at very high speed, it’s like throwing yourself from an helicopter without parachute, it’s like diving in the oceans without enough oxygen, its like surfing huge waves with a broken board.

But it is also like waking in the morning and be able to read the news in more than 5 minutes, it’s like having time to reply to emails from friends, it’s the laziness to surf on Facebook, it’s the luxury to read a good book in the middle of the afternoon, it’s the  lavishness to spend two hours in a cute cafe writing this post.

And this is where I am now, on this big wave that is sweeping away my past while I get ready to surf the next one that’s coming up behind me. It’s a even bigger one, but I know that I will stand on my board for the length of it. I can do it now. Now that I’m free of chains. Now that I am free.

NOTE: And I wish to thank here all the people who have helped me to be brave, to take the courage to move on, to be free. First and foremost, Alekim who enlighten me over a year ago when we met at the Gili Islands, Antonia, who made me see that another way is possible after all, Sunday for all her wise and invaluable advice and Patrizia for instilling me dreams and pushing me out of my comfort zone. These are four great women who took the tough decision to take their lives back in their hands and drastically change it while looking for something better.

  • Good for you! I recently put in my letter of resignation at work because I too want freedom to live my life on my own terms!
    Some people think what I’m doing is crazy and I really don’t care.
    I’m traveling the world and am earning an income online to support the lifestyle that I desire.
    It’s amazing all of the possibilities you find in life when you actually open your eyes to the possibilities that are out there just waiting to be discovered.

    • You are right! Only now, I am able to see that there is something else I can do with my life. It’s time to take the dust off my dreams and start surfing this new life. My plan is actually similar to yours: traveling while working online. Wish me good luck! 🙂

      • Good Luck! Feel free to connect with me if you ever need any help getting started!

  • Thank you! I will do so, once I have sorted out some things! x

  • I wish all your dreams come true <3
    Good luck and I hope we can meet somewhere …
    antonia

    • Grazie mia cara, non solo per il commento, ma anche per l’ispirazione che mi trasmetti in ogni tuo post. E anche grazie a te che ho preso il coraggio di “move on” ed eccomi qua..libera e felice! 🙂

      Ti aspetto a Londra!

      PS: ti era arrivata una notifica del mio tag o no?
      Baci

      • No, non avevo ricevuto alcuna notifica 🙂
        ma e’ stato bello leggere il tuo post e ritrovare il mio nome … Grazie tante!!
        ci vedremo sicuramente a Londra a Gennaio, se sarai ancora li ovviamente
        a proposito, che progetti hai?
        Australia? 🙂
        bacioni…

        • Ah! Devo ancora imparare a creare link per altri blog… Uffi!
          Cmq, se mi facevi la stessa domanda la settimana scorsa ti avrei detto che sicuramente non sarei stata a Londra a Gennaio, ma negli ultimi giorni sembra che il piano sia cambiato e la mia cara, vecchia Londra sembra trattenermi ancora una volta..almeno per un po’. Al 99% ci vediamo qui nell’anno nuovo!
          PS: Australia molto probabilmente a Natale 🙂
          Baci

  • Sunday

    Seeing you mentioned my name here made my day! Thanks 😀 I’m happy to see that another girl out there made up her mind and escaped the 9 to 5 to start creating the life of her dreams. Why staying trapped in a job that is not for us?
    No more fake smiles: go and light the world now!

    • Thank you Sunday! I’m not sure what I’ll do next, the “normal 9-5 life” is trying to get me back already (I had an offer recently)..but for now I’m enjoying my freedom.. Thank you for inspiring me! 🙂

      PS: do you know how to tag other bloggers on wordpress? I thought you received an alert or something… 🙁

  • Come sono fiera di te! Di noi tutte ! Che donne … lacrime e sudore ma anche tanta soddisfazione e consapevolezza. Tanto di cappello cara

    • Grazie Patty.. Devo dire che e’ stata proprio la sfida che mi hai lanciato qualche mese fa con Sunday di liberare la mente dal “dovere” che mi ha dato la forza di prendere questa scelta. Per ora mi godo la libertà’ almeno ancora per un po’ prima di ricominciare la prossima avventura. Ti abbraccio

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