Emotional Rollercoaster

 

As you might have already noticed, this 2014 has started despite my strong desire to stay put in 2013, which was kind of a nice year for me, with its ups and downs, of course. But time goes by and despite what we want, it goes on and on.

And on.

There is no way to stop it, no pause button. No rewind either. This set of brand new, shining 365 days has kicked off and here we are, once again, to (hopefully) make something big out of it. Resolutions, to-do lists, wishes, dreams and desires, twelve (long) months to make it happen, one whole year to tick all those boxes and accomplish all those goals. However,  my 2014’s wish list is going to be a short one, it only includes one large, main, hard goal:

simplify

Yes, simplify my life. I actually only hope to be able to have a simpler life where I can get rid of all the things (and people) that purposeless complicate my existence and most of all hurt me or don’t bring anything to the table. Yeah, I know… I setting myself up for a complicated mission, but hey man! I’ve got a whole year to make it happen, right? I’ve started with the simplest stuff: clothes, shoes, random piece of s**t I’ve collected in the last few decades and then I’ve moved to the people business. Yeah, cos you can get rid of lots of things around you, but if you stick to unhealthy relationships, you will only keep feeling the same old s**t. That’s why, I’ve decided to move on from superficial and unbalanced friendships to focus on a few good old and new friends and of course my family. I have to admit, these first 39 days have been an emotional roller-coaster for me: up and down, right and left, stay and leave, love and hate. I was struggling to stay afloat. I was struggling to keep up with my new (old?) life: back in the office, back to a normal life. I struggled so hard to concentrate. It was hard to believe, to let go or to stay put. I was constantly fighting between my wishes and my duties.

And it is true that you only realise what you have, once you’ve lost it. I had all the time of the world a few weeks ago, I had everything at my doorstep, but I was too lazy to make it worth. I was too scared to make the most of it. I idled about for weeks, staring at the watch ticking (and playing candy crush). Now, I am back, back to my normal self. That self that I don’t know any more and I have to try and squeeze dreams in my spare time once again.

But 2014 has made a roaring entrance in my life. New job, new company, new people, new friends, new feelings. Now that both my relationship and my “American Dream” have completely fallen apart, it is time for me to stand still and plan my new year as well as my life again, from here, from London, from myself.

For myself.

Happy New Year.